Looking Stupid In A Carpark

I try to make looking foolish a rare thing. However when it does happen it tends to happen to such an extent that I just want to die. One of the most embarrassing moments of my life was when I was at school and my voice broke while giving a speech to my house about directing the house play. Some 100 boys and teachers laughed and I wanted to die. I will never ever forget that moment.

Anyway yesterday I went to Sweden Ikea to buy the wee man a table and chairs. He is at a stage where he has discovered drawing and scribbling and is now very excited that he has a place to be let loose with chalks etc. On completion of the set I informed The Chancellor that there were missing parts and we had to go to Ikea in the morning to complain.

The Chancellor being off today couldn't think of anything better to do with her day off than listen to me moan to poor customer service folk, so she joined me. We took with us the offending chair missing some parts and made our way down to Ikea. On arrival at the carpark I had a moment of clarity and realised that the missing pieces were there all along just stuck between another couple of bits. As I opened the door I said "Oh...oh...um...ah...guess what?"

The Chancellor was not impressed and it fueled her opinion of me that I'm an idiot. At least though I only did this in front of her and not various Ikea staff but we weren't far off a public humiliation. So we immediately hopped back into the car with my pride firmly between my legs and scooted back home. Next time I'll double check.


jpr

Nothing Important Happened Today

It would be honest to say after writing nearly 200 blog posts I can't quite remember what's in most of the posts I've written. If you are a regular reader I apologise if you've seen the same thing written again and again. It's not my fault per se, it's just what happens when you decide to write a daily blog for a whole year. So if you've seen the following story before then I'm sorry.

King George III was famous for a few reasons, he had various conflicts with various countries, went a bit mad later in life and he was also the King of England at the time of the American Independence. There is a story of his only diary entry on July 4 1776 being simply 'Nothing Important Happened Today'. This is a phrase that has stuck with me during my time writing One Man as there are a great many days when I could have written this and nothing else. 

As I limbo my way to the giant 200 mark (less than a week's time) I've been amazed how I've managed to write something different everyday for this time and not given up and just said 'nothing important happened today'. My greatest muse though is the wee man and for him something important does happen everyday whether it be going to the park or going swimming or taking a trip somewhere new and exciting. The more I explore with him the more I'll have to write and the less times I'll have to say 'nothing important happened today'.

In news away from crazy kings and even more insane writers two, yes two, Baby Centre blogs have been published today. The first is a slideshow about children's books http://www.baby.co.uk/mum_stories/15-wonderful-childrens-books/. If you've read my blogs about children's books you will know that I love them and I'm quite passionate about children reading. The second blog is less of a serious look at why I really really hate children's soft play areas but why I have to go to them. http://www.baby.co.uk/mum_stories/my-love-hate-affair-with-childrens-soft-play-areas/. If you are a parent who has to go to them then you'll know what I'm talking about. Hopefully these tasty morsels will keep you happy.

jpr

   

A Baltic Day By The Tyne

Continuing on from yesterday, the wee man and I took a hop, a skip and a jump across the river for a new event based in the Baltic Centre For Contemporary Art. In the picture it is the the building furthest to the left out of the four. Now on a day like today there aren't many colder places in country than being down by the Tyne. It really was Baltic (to steal the name). So much so that the wee man couldn't be bothered looking at the river or the bridges and just wanted to be inside riding on the the very cool glass lifts. And they are very cool.

The event was fun and it will be something I will go back to. Though the organisers made a bit of an error in the respect that to get to the space you had to navigate through an exhibition that consisted of polystyrene boxes which had giant metal poles sticking out of the them. This was all too tempting for the wee man and most of the other children but it also seemed rather dangerous. We were advised to walk round the outside of the room making sure we didn't impale ourselves in the name of modern art. The artist would probably have liked this.

On a sour note, alas no brownies were on sale today so I had to make do with a chocolate bun which wasn't as good as the brownies. This made me very sad and has now put a real dampener on my day. I had been prepared to come home with a box full but now I'll have to make do with substandard chocolate or cheese and crackers.


jpr

What Would Happen If I Had A Six-Pack?

"You've brought a man with you!" It's nice to know I make the day more exciting for people. These were the words of a nice, if overexcited lady, when I arrived with my friend Sensory Mummy to a new playgroup. So starved, I presume, these woman are of manliness that they pounced on me and I don't even exude masculinity. What they would do if a man with a six pack entered the room if anyone's guess. He may well never be seen again.

The playgroup, run in a church hall, was surprisingly fun and it didn't come at all with indoctrination into the faith. This is always a worry when doing things related to churches but no such worry today. And I'm definitely not going to turn down a free group that offers me coffee and biscuits. Also it's always great to catch up with my friend.

Tomorrow though we are doing something on the opposite end of the spectrum. Forget religion let's get our heads around contemporary art. And sometimes folks that's harder that religion. We are going to The Baltic Centre for crazy art and pretentious fine art students who want to look all grown up. Despite having a mum who is rather good at art, he may still be too young for appreciating modern art. Though to be honest most of the stuff in The Baltic is nuts and scares me and I feel that I have an appreciation for art. Give me Botticelli any day. I'm not sure what the wee man will make of the place but the session we are going to is designed for children but will probably turn them in preposterously arty people.

Never-the-less go we shall if only for the truly exquisite chocolate brownies they sell in the cafe down stairs. These brownies are so good that they make you tingle all over and make all the staring at s**t artworks worthwhile. If you live anywhere near Newcastle you have to sample these brownies because they are just that good. I intend to stash a good few with me at the end of the day and not share them at all with The Chancellor. Sorry. Actually no I'm not.


jpr

 


 

The Wee Man The Heartbreaker

I'm high right now and not the good kind of high. This morning I have been cleaning with thick bleach and I don't think I sufficiently ventilated the area leading to me feeling sick and having a hearty headache. To temper this I am eating Hobnobs, as you do. So bearing in mind that even with my glasses on the world is still blurry, whatever I write can't be taken as the truth.

After a slightly melancholy post yesterday it would only be fair to talk today of cheer, candy mountains and all things fluffy. For the past two days the wee man seems to have been taking his happy pills, charming everyone who enters his space and generally been a great child.

Even yesterday, with a visit from two of our close friends from home, he let us sit and eat lunch in a restaurant with minimal fuss and only right at the end did he want to remove himself from the high chair and maraud around the place. This was a far cry from my last trip to a restaurant with him where he just wouldn't sit still, leading to me getting indigestion and both of us getting annoyed.

Our friends though think he's wonderful but the wee man finds it easy to charm pretty women. Even in the streets he gives pretty women smiles and chats to them leading them to say "awwwwwww". While walking to the hospital last Friday we had to go through the university where the wee man was in his element having multiple female student swoon over him. For the record I taught him nothing and I don't spend my days talking to pretty women. Only sometimes.

Yesterday's good mood even spread through to today. Sundays are The Chancellor's day. It's her day in respect that it's her turn for a lie in and I groggily pull myself from bed and release the wee man from his cage. Some good male bonding was had this morning over the football highlights and he has been nothing but cuddles and laughter even when The Chancellor took him to the supermarket.

Let the good time roll.

jpr

   

The Bleakness Of Children's Hospitals

Hospitals are pretty grim places.Children's hospitals even more so. Even with the complications of the fingers on the wee man's right hand, it's nothing compared to what some children and parents go through. We sat for a good couple of hours yesterday in various different waiting rooms surrounded by children with varying forms of mental and physical disabilities. All who will need, I would imagine, round the clock care and where a break for the parents just doesn't exist.

The wee man excited by hundreds of new toys and a multitude of new faces to smile at ran around the waiting room with not a care in the world. Anyone looking in on our life must have thought we have it easy and to some extent we do. But it's not until you see the severity of some cases that you think how lucky you are.

After our initial consult we were sent to the x-ray and as we walked up we wondered if it was at all possible to keep the wee man still. But the wee man was great and for the first time in his life, since he was a baby, lay still for longer than five seconds. There was a moment at the start when we stood over him on the x-ray table where there was a look of real terror in his eyes and he looked to us to take care of him.

It makes you think what we would all go through if major surgery was needed or if the reason we were there was more serious. After warming up and charming the radiographers with smiles and a wave or two we went back downstairs for a further consult. Luckily for us all it will be a year before we have to go back and see our consultant after she was impressed with the progress he has made.

It makes me think that I wouldn't want to spend anymore time than is necessary in a children's hospital and I think neither would the wee man.


jpr

Blogzilla

First off today a big thank you to Ericka Waller and my Artistic Cousin for being guest bloggers this week. There must be some love for One Man as the latter post came all the way from Italy. Both posts were excellent and it is a sad day when the guest bloggers write better posts than I do. Though they have certainly boosted my page views so maybe I should keep them on retainer.

I now look forward to some more guest blogs from anyone who has something to say about parenting, from any angle. I am trying to organise for the famous Multi Mum to tell us all about what it's like to have four children. But there in lies the rub as having four children, I imagine, would make it difficult for you to sit down and write anything. I have one child and that makes it hard enough. Maybe I could entice her with a biscuit or some such. We will see.

Somehow, despite having a child and almost having various blogging meltdowns, I keep churning out posts like some battery fed blogger and now I'm appearing on other people's blogs too. It's like an addiction and I've turned into Blogzilla. So with the image of me either squatting and popping out blogs from my behind or me tearing down cities, I need to direct you to some places I can be found this week.  

Firstly, as ever Baby Centre duties have been fulfilled for the week and you can find my latest offering here http://www.baby.co.uk/mum_stories/the-joys-of-childrens-books-3/.

Also this week I can be found on the very excellent Mama Lewis website  run by Stacie Lewis, I talk about my son's hand condition and the choices The Chancellor and I have had to make. http://www.mamalewis.com/. My post is at the top but please look around the website as it's an excellent blog.

Enjoy. Right time for a lie down or my head might just explode.

jpr