CHOO CHOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

If you are a man you will like trains. It doesn't matter if you think you are too cool or too grown up or anything like that, if you are a man you will like trains. I like trains, in fact I like trains quite a bit. Yesterday I had been informed that we were going to an Easter Sunday family day at a railway museum. Inevitably when the Chancellor says "Family day out" my Super Cynical Senses go into overdrive. She mentioned that there was a train ride with the Easter Bunny, this sent shivers down my occipital and I had visions of some awful train which you had to straddle and it's only very uncomfortable etc etc. Plus I find people dressed up as things like bunnies very unnerving and I tend to hide. However what we got today was something completely different and very excellent.

 The rain ride was, dare I say it, a great deal of fun. Led by a real steam engine we were sat in old fashion train carriages with separate compartments. I was in all honesty filled with a beautifully romantic feeling and it wasn't just me giddily sitting there watching the world go by from the train window. The wee man enjoyed the ride so much that he wanted to be held up to the window so he could get a better view of what was going on. Excitable screeches and laughter could be heard from him as we trundled along the short track and we both were quite sad when the rain ride came to a stop back at the museum.

The most important thing though was that there wasn't an Easter Bunny in sight. Therefore no hiding needed to take place. There was though a ride on Thomas The Tank Engine which lit up the wee man's face brighter than the sun. It also caused considerable queuing of small children some of whom tried to get on with the wee man but he brushed them away with a face that said "No chance, that's what you've got". How very Easterly on you my son.

jpt

Sun, Sea And Snooping

The sun it did shine today and my did it shine. Such a rarity this has been recently it's important to share this news with you. Today the wee man has been visited by his grandparents (my parents). We took advantage of the sun and The Chancellor and I decided to show them where we have seen nice houses near the beach. It was also an excuse to go for a walk along the beach. My family at times are not subtle so snooping was the high priority of the day. Order of the day was pull up to said house, gaze from the car and occasionally get out and stand in front of the house staring and pointing. Somewhere someone has noted our car registration and as I write are probably passing it on the police.

Apart from obviously seeing my parents, it was great that they came up because they brought with them a treasure trove of new clothes for the wee man. We are in a scheme, so to speak, where we can take advantage of some of our friends (who live in Yorkshire) older children's used clothes. It has saved us hundreds of pounds and all the clothes are in very good quality and really nice. This new supply go up to two years so we won't need to buy anything for a good while. However we have nowhere to store these clothes so for the time being they will stay in the lounge and maybe in a week's time I will move them or maybe a month or maybe they'll never be moved. Probably the last one.

Let's hope the sun shines tomorrow as we are off to an Easter treat of a day at a railway museum where there is an Easter egg hunt and lots of family fun. Just what Jesus had in mind for us when he was nailed to the cross, though I bet he would have liked Mini Eggs not even the son of God could resist Mini Eggs.


jpr





 


 

 

Suspicious Men And Me

Depending on how think, seeing a lonely man in a children's clothing shop may make you slightly uncomfortable. Once, in a reputable department store, I had to stand and loiter wait for The Chancellor to go to the toilet. However the toilets where located next the the children's underwear section. I didn't notice this at first but then I became aware that I was a man looking slightly suspect next to children's pants. Of course it was all in my mind but I did get, that day, a number of dirty looks. After I became aware of where I was I scurried off to look at the Lego. Lesser of two evils.

Today I took myself off for a bit of man time. I treated myself to some new shoes and some new CDs, it was all very therapeutic. One of my other jobs however was to spend a voucher on something for the wee man. The said voucher had been sitting around for a while so it was thrust into my hand as I left the house by The Chancellor.

The shop had a special section for children's clothes so off I went and trawled through the many tops and t-shirts. Then I remembered that The Chancellor had said the wee man could do with some new pyjamas.  I looked around for nightwear but eventually lost interest and had to ask an employee. "Can you tell me where the nightwear is for toddler boys?" I asked but I was greeted with a strange look and a pause. "It's for my son" I blurted seemingly desperate for her to know I had a child and I wasn't just buying boys pyjamas for my own fun times. She replied with a half smile and a look that said 'I'm not too sure about you'. She obliged to my request but I couldn't get the thought out of my head that I wasn't trusted.

What's the difference though with a man in a children's clothes section to a woman being there. It's just our minds assuming that there is something wrong going on. Maybe because it's such a rare thing that we're just socially so confused that we suddenly think 'the bad thing'. I always try and hurry up when I'm by myself  in these places though I'm not sure I look untrustworthy.

jpr

Fare Thee Well To An A Grade Babysitter

Trusted babysitters are like gold dust. If you don't have immediate family around you then they are even harder to find. One of our trusted babysitters is leaving us here in the North East and The Chancellor and I are very sad about this. We are sad not just because we are loosing a babysitter but because we are loosing a friend and for me an extended family member with whom I am very close. Big Angry Lesbian Footballer Cousin (she is neither big nor angry and she is actually one of happiest people I've met) is moving down south to live a life with her partner which is allowed.

But did she take a moment to think of how it would impact us? Probably not and I don't see why she should. We wish her all the best but we will lament her leaving. If you are reading this and are still around we have theatre tickets in May are you available? There is a box of Maltesers with your name on it...

Not all is lost however luckily there are some very nice mums we know who have offered to watch the wee man for us as we escape for a well earned rest. The Chancellor and I have tried to implement date night once a month and whenever we see a film trailer we get all excited and dream of having an early dinner followed by a movie. In reality though this never happens and we spend most of our time watching old box sets we own. By the time the evenings come around we are so tired that anything further than the lounge door is a bit of an effort. I'm sure this is something most parents can testify to.

Maybe our life would be easier if our parents were closer but we will just have to make do with what we have. I'm just going to have to find a young student to come and babysit. The Chancellor though would probably just call me a dirty old man or some such. You wouldn't believe how easily a reputation gets around. I've heard I'm some sort of celebrity I think Funny Mummy started that one as she loves to tell people she knows a celebrity...


jpr

Easter Approaches

To start with today, Baby Centre duties. This week I'm talking about the many faces of the children's entertainer Justin Fletcher. You may know him as Mister Tumble or one of the many many other alter egos he has. http://www.baby.co.uk/mum_stories/justin-fletcher-the-unlikely-hero-of-children-everywhere/ . You can find the blog here. If you have any opinions on the guy I would be interested to hear them. He's an interesting fellow.

A few weeks ago I spoke of how hard it was for a stay-at-home-parent to deal with half term week. Baby groups don't run and you are, generally, forced to go to family friendly places which are full of other families. Another school holiday is upon this week and that of course is Easter. Two weeks will never have felt so long. It'll be like crossing a barren desert only to find at the end of it a man telling you you'll have to do it all again but for longer during the summer. Demoralising.

The only people who really like Easter are teachers who finally get away from all those snot nosed children who have been making their lives a living hell. For two weeks they have peace and quiet and they probably all go a bit nuts which is totally understandable. The Chancellor too likes Easter, as this weekend she has a four day weekend, ergo I like Easter but only for this reason.

But spare a thought for all those people who run these groups that I and my friends attend. They can finally relax those jaws, letting the smiles drop and they will sit for two weeks frowning just because they can. Chronic smiling can't be healthy. Two weeks of being grumpy will do wonders for their souls and by the time they have to start smiling for a living again their minds will be balanced once more. Could I smile for a living? I'm not sure I could. I used to work in customer service and my smiles got slowly beaten out of me by horrible customers. I know exactly what customer service staff are thinking when I ask a stupid question and I have apologize perfusely for being a moron. Never again will I go back to that world but that's a different story for a different day.

jpr    

Life

Life. Bloody hell. And I'm not even talking about life in general, just the science museum in Newcastle. Pre-school events are generally pretty popular especially as they tend to charge a fraction of the price a place usually charges. But seeing as it was snowing this morning the place was even busier than usual.

These events and get togethers used to be about the parents. You would chat, have a coffee and generally be social. Today I barely saw my friends. Our children, now as toddlers, are running at completely different speeds meaning there is no time to stand around and chat especially with the wee man being so active. Coffees are a no go, though as I left I found out I had been sitting alone in a different cafe lunching the wee man as my friends lunched their children in the main cafe. Communication goes out the window.

Today the wee man was sporting a battered nose which he got yesterday trying to fly off a step. It would take a while to describe where we were but hasten to say there was a slope and a step at the end of it. He picked up too much speed and flew off scraping his face on the tarmac. Blood and tears ensued. Surprisingly the war wound look OK yesterday but as the swelling went down today you could see the whole sorry mess. I would put up a picture but that would be mean and the wee man would never forgive me. It didn't seem to do much for him though as there was no stopping him today. The upside of the non-stop action was watching other parents getting as frustrated as me and being served some quite excellent coffee. There may be a next time with this one.

jpr

Picture: Jordan Hatch/Flickr

The 200th Post

200 days, 200 posts and somehow people are still reading. Seven months on from my first post you would have thought I would have learnt a great deal about myself, my child and I would be closer to answering the great questions of life. However if anything, more questions have emerged and the only things I've learnt about myself is that when unsupervised I still eat like a teenager and my tolerance for other people's children is quite low. But there have been some things I have learnt about the sphere of parenting and they're not all nice, happy, fluffy things but some are just don't tell anyone I said this.

1. Cbeebies is very addictive. This is probably not unknown but I had no idea it was closer to Crack that Crack itself. It's bright, it's fun and it's laced with a property that's still undetected. This property renders both child and parent incapacitated and the sight of both drooling and locked into the set is not a pretty one. Weening yourself off it is nigh-on impossible. Embrace the child crack my friends embrace the child crack.
2. The Weather Man is your God. For me it has been winter all the way through writing this blog and there is no sign of it changing as I listen to the BBC forecast in the background. I yearn for the day the wee man and I can just spend an afternoon in the park with a football instead of soft plays.
3. Soft play areas are awful places (but necessary). Last week I wrote a Baby Centre blog about this and I could go on and on about the subject. Big children where they shouldn't be, unsupervised children causing havoc, parents not giving a s**t about their children and all for a good amount of money. I sigh every time we go in. The boycott will continue.
4. Your child will surprise you. This is the nice part and there have been no end of proud moments for me. From the wee man being able to climb, to him using his right hand to draw. Something, no matter if it's little or big, happens everyday and each conjures the same great emotion in you.
5. The boredom's what'll kill you. If you are a stay-at-home-parent you will know exactly what I mean by this. If your only interaction in a day is your child then it's not long before your talking to your Yucca plant thinking it's a person. It's like a pressure cooker and if you don't vent to people you'll explode. This is the hardest part of being doing this as a man. The women I know have the other women and I have my Yucca plant.

Thanks for reading everyone and please share with anyone who might be interested.

jpr