Friday, 31 May 2013

The Wee Man, The Smoker

The Eagle eyed among you will have noticed that there hasn't been a Baby Centre Blog this week. Indeed this is true and is due to me having limited RAM to compute everything going on at the moment here at HQ. My wonderful and kind editors were fine with this on the agreement that I get back on my Hamster wheel next week. And seeing as I've just finished the post there will be one so don't despair.

Today has generally been a non starter. The weather was so good in the city that it seemed only appropriate to go to the beach and eat ice cream. However as soon we reached the final stretch of road the sea fret ominously came into view and the wonderful almost 20 degree weather vanished and I needed to add layers to the wee man. *Insert sad face here*. We lasted a meek 20 minutes and ate no ice cream. As we drove off the fret was dissipating but I this stage I couldn't be bothered stopping again so we just came home to the 20 degree weather. *Insert indifferent face here*

This weekend seems as ominous as the fret as the jobs list for the house continues to haunt our dreams. Talking of dreams, two nights ago I dreamt that the wee man, while in the swings and slide section of the park, was smoking a cigarette. I took it from him and in a calm voice said 'No we don't do that', I then flicked the tab away. I'm not sure what this says about the wee man or myself for that matter but I'm guessing it says something.

Anyway it's an early start for me tomorrow as I have to visit the local dump where I will have to converse with large and scary men who have never quite warmed to me during an of my previous visits. I can't think why they wouldn't. This will be followed by painting and painting and more painting and even more painting and if I get a chance...painting.


Thursday, 30 May 2013

When Dads Go Drinking Part 2

In recent days I've been quite productive, sorting through multitudes stuff for the house move while having the wee man badger me all the time. Today though I hit a bit of a road bump with the discovery of my old electric rail set. Instead of setting it aside and carrying on I set it up including an ace suspension bridge. The wee man now loving trains couldn't contain his glee and we spent a good hour watching the trains go round and round. If you can't do this on a rainy day then I don't know when you can. I'll get back to the house sorting tomorrow.

Tonight myself and funny dad are going out to drink and eat giant burgers which should be excellent fun though a long walk home will ensue late tonight and I'm sure I will feel the effects tomorrow morning. In a couple of weeks myself and Funny Daddy will join five other dads on a big dad's night out. There hasn't been one of these for a while and the last one ended in some of us being carried home or being thrown into taxis. I won't name names, though I wasn't one of the dads...or was I? I can't quite remember. In any case the group of dads get on well so the nights are fun even if they are a little messy.

Tonight though will be a nice distraction from the general mess of the house and the mess in my head about the house. How much Funny Daddy wants to hear about either is anyone's guess but I'm sure to tell him all about it tonight.



Wednesday, 29 May 2013

"You Go Wee Wee In The Potty..."

And so it begins. The bit of parenting that I have dreaded the most since the start is under way. Potty training. Now I don't expect the wee man to be dropping his pants and pooing regularly in the safety of the plastic bowl but I would like the process to begin. Stage one has been achieved, he has sat on it of his own accord but at the moment he is using it a comfy TV seat rather than a potty. I dare say I'll be buying books on how to get him using it effectively. But never-the-less it's here and we are going for it.

The wee man can be quite messy. The other day I found him in the garden tipping pots of soil over himself so this does not bode well for potty training. Sometimes during nappy changes he tries to roll away taking with him a dirty nappy, which in turn makes me sigh and forces an outfit change. If anyone has any sound advice for successful potty training I'm all ears.

I had hoped that watching me day in day out would make the whole process easier. But maybe with this i'm just kidding myself. How much attention did he actually take when in the same room as me doing the grown-up version?

I'm confident that I'll prevail so bring on the piss and bring on the shit, after 19 months I'm immune to the smell and the mess. Do your worst wee man, though just as long as you don't get any on my clothes...


Tuesday, 28 May 2013

Classic Cars

I am currently staring into a black hole of legal and economic jargon, Rightmove houses and the hellacious contents of my home. Today the wee man and I cleared three crates, a massive box and a cupboard under the stairs. If you recently have been watching The Hoarder Next Door on TV parts of our houses are similar to those on the show. However this is because we have loads of stuff in a small property, rather than being weird and refusing to throw things away. I have now amassed loads of things to go to the tip on the weekend. Productive but tiring and stressful day.

However in between the sucking voids of home moves and childcare there was still time to play Classic Cars. Some time ago my mum brought up some boxes of stuff including some of my old Classic Cars from my youth. I was going to chuck them but instead the wee man has taken them on for his own and he LOVES them.

I must say I enjoy playing cars too and we ran around the house pushing them over any surface possible including sofa arms and cupboard doors,  making the requisite noises to go with them. There's nothing wrong with regressing when things like Classic Cars are involved.

I'm glad that someone is getting some use from them as they are nice things and better that it's the wee man. Also they give me a great distraction from the mass of jobs I have to do.


Monday, 27 May 2013

The Big House Move

Exhaustion. In so many ways exhaustion. After a long weekend of visitors and trips out tonight we will collapse on the sofa knowing that the next few weeks are going to be insane. We have decided to move. Right now. The Chancellor and I don't do things by halves. I have written myself a list of jobs to do next week that is so long it's floating down the Tyne towards the North Sea.

We know the house we want, in the street we want and we are going for it. Starting with a viewing this week. Though the problem comes with our place, in the respect that we need to do so much work in a short period of time that I have enlisted help from family and friends so the place looks amazing. Painting, woodwork and cleaning are the major offenders but we'll hit it hard if we are to get the house we want.

Last time we bought a property I think we both got ulcers with the stress so imagine that with the added fun of the wee man and the ulcers may well just kill us. We want to move to an area we know but don't know as well as where we live so there is slight trepidation about it all. At least I'm off work to sort it out but I can imagine that I won't be talking, on here, about anything else in the coming weeks or months. So I give you fore warning.

Whether or not we will succeed is another thing altogether but we can but try. A blood pressure machine is to be bought hopefully before I have an aneurysm.


Sunday, 26 May 2013

Can YOU Guess What I Did Today?

Today's blog will take the form of a multiple choice quiz. If you guess correctly the right answers then you will know what I did today. If you get all the answers right then there is a prize.

Question 1
What time did I get up this morning?

  • 5 am
  •  7 am
  • Mid day
  • I'm still in bed

Question 2
What was the most fun I had today?

  • I didn't have any fun
  • Doing a fortnightly shop
  • Man time
  • Having a poo

Question 3
How large was the wee man's tantrum on the beach?

  • Pretty big
  • Enormous
  • Epic
  • The Chancellor threw him in the sea to shut him up

Question 4
How large is the glass of wine I'm currently drinking?

  • Big
  • Very big
  • Who needs a glass
  • Intravenous drip is in my arm

The prize is that you've finished the blog or if you want I'll send you signed picture of myself.


Saturday, 25 May 2013

Call Me, Call Me Anytime

"You have no messages. You have no messages. You have no bloody messages...Beep. Beep. Bloody Beep. Beep."

If you hear these words and noises it is a safe bet that the wee man has managed to climb over the arms of a sofa and a chair and is playing with the phone or the answer machine. His obsession with a grey button that plays our answerphone messages is absurd. Over and over and over again leaving us screaming at him that "WE HAVE NO MESSAGES. WE NEVER HAVE ANY MESSAGES!" Or words to that effect.

He then runs off with the cordless phone having a fake conversation with himself but he hasn't quite worked out that the handset need to be between the ears and mouth, so the phone still is held somewhere near the back of his head. This is a fairly endearing thing to watch but when he is asked to say hi to grandparents for example he tends to just hang up the phone on them. Probably not the best way to get money and sweets from them in the future.

I had hope this infatuation with the phone would wear off but on the contrary now more than ever he loves the buttons and the noises and the bright lights. This though leaves us pretty frustrated. Whenever the phone rings he races over like some demented badger and jigs up and down continually until someone picks it up. When you do finally pick it up he shouts so loudly the person on the other end can't do anything but hear him. He really is an attention hog.



Friday, 24 May 2013

Danger, Danger High Voltage

Base jumping looks like fun though the thought of plummeting into a solid concrete wall or the ground isn't quite so fun. The wee man has moved into the world of base jumping-esque activities. In recent days he has learnt that climbing on the sofa means he can get onto the arm of the sofa and then he can use that as leverage to get on his high chair and then the dining table. He did this at first with us watching which was all very nice but then as The Chancellor and I were in the bedroom he vanished and I came through to the living room to find he had done this and was now sitting in the high chair. Probably not the safest thing in the world to do.

On a morning while I shower I tend to the let the wee man roam through a few rooms, generally I can see him from the bathroom or he sits and watches Mike The Knight so I know he's safe. Now though I'm not sure this is a good idea and I probably need to find a safer option as I wouldn't want him to slip and break his neck on the floor. The lad has no fear and no joke as I write he is doing this again (with The Chancellor supervising) but he can now get onto the dining table and stand up and jump around. He is far too excited by this whole thing. The Chancellor is saying "Danger, danger high voltage." That's about right.



Thursday, 23 May 2013

The Wee Man's #7 Most Favouritest Thing To Do

Good afternoon one and all and first today I realise that I neglected yesterday to tell you about this week's Baby Centre slice of pie. This is a piece about how men are really really super tough and can handle everything apart form childbirth...maybe. The feedback so far has actually been quite positive and I had expected by now to be hanging from a tree surrounded by baying women. But be rest assured my dear readers that I am indeed alive and well and eating a Twirl.

A Pigeon, if you were unsure.
Anyway in other news this morning we have been spending most of our time chasing pigeons. This is the wee man's #7 most favouritest thing to do. He lets out a shriek reminiscent of a Native American war cry and runs off at top speed at a group of pigeons. The birds as you would imagine fly off in all different directions causing more shrieks of excitement to protrude from the wee man's mouth. However it's not just pigeons he likes and shrieks at, anything that moves faster than him is fair game to intimidate, scare and chase after. But it is a fun past time and gets him out of the house and running around.

And that's what it's all about especially today as The Chancellor is in London and won't be back until much later tonight. Meaning it's just the two of us for ever and ever and ever and ever.... Though I get a break of sorts this afternoon as I have to go and see dentist Mike and let him inject me and fill a hole in my tooth. Luckily Funny Mummy is coming to watch the wee man but of all the things I could do for an hour as a break form the wee man having a filling is not what I would choose. On the way back I might just buy myself a wood pigeon pie for tea. Or I could just let the wee man go and catch one for me...


Picture: detsang/Flickr

Wednesday, 22 May 2013

99s and Daisys

After I finish doing this full time stay at home parent lark, the things I will remember hopefully will be the good things. Or more precisely the great things. Today has been a great day which was topped off by sharing a 99 with the wee man on a park bench. Wonderful moment, though in my day a 99 was 99p not £1.80, that's inflation for you.

The cold of the ice cream was all a bit too much for him though making his face recoil but back he came for more each time giggling to himself. We then went to sit in the daisy field and enjoyed the afternoon sun while picking flower heads. I don't think we could have had a nicer afternoon. This is the kind of afternoon I hope I will remember the most. There is something very satisfying and lovely about sitting with your son in a field picking flower heads.

This morning we went across the water to spend some time with his little friends. Around the playground he went trying to steal bikes and trikes but for once he wasn't bothered when I told him he couldn't have them. "He must be in a good mood" I hear you say. Well you know what he was. He even gave me two hours to myself while he napped. bloody hell, I wish I could bottle this and make everyday like today. Tomorrow no doubt will be different but at least I have today.


Tuesday, 21 May 2013

The Wee Man, The Victim?

When I was a student I spent a great deal of time hanging around the contemporary art gallery in Newcastle. I with my friends smoked continental cigarettes with white filters, spoke about art house films, drank lots of coffee and used words like existential. We may have been trying too hard but everyone at that age does this. Anyway whenever I go to the toddler group that's on at said art gallery on a Tuesday I on the one hand get embarrassed by how much of a pretentious popinjay I was, and two despair of where the hell the time has gone.

Going into a place that hold memories of when I was a bit younger while I carry the wee man freaks me out a little. Long ago I ditched the flares and Joy Division t-shirts and now I wear M&S woolen jumpers and conform in nearly every way to the world I used to rally against. Oh how the time has flown. Though it's an inevitable decline.

Today the wee man was in one of his hyper speed moods, not wanting to stop for anyone and anything apart from the Lego board that is attached to a wall. And at one point, though this can't be verified as I didn't see it but I suspect it, the wee man was pushed over by the friend he tried to shove in the swimming pool. It didn't help that his friend then giggled as the wee man lay prostrate on the floor, I personally think retribution but Funny Mummy and Daddy claimed their son was innocent. The jury is out. I wouldn't blame him however as the wee man has done plenty of damage in the past and I would call for revenge too...


Monday, 20 May 2013


Busy, busy, full of busy. This makes a change from the usual day to day. After meeting a friend for coffee this morning we went to our Monday playgroup with our friend Sensory Mummy and her daughter. The wee man has a soft spot for the daughter and maybe tries a bit too hard to gain her affection. Despite there being a room of toys on offer the pair spent half an hour running round a large empty hall giggling to each other. This allowed Sensory Mummy and me to sit and have our coffee and biscuit in relative peace.

After exhausting themselves they went together and unstacked a whole load of chairs. And once the chairs were all over the place they went over to a low sink and standing side by side they bashed repeatedly on the draining board making an ungodly noise.

His little friend is the girl the wee man hugged once and they really are thick as thieves already. As their pushchairs met at the end of the session they high fived each other and giggled some more. Wonderful to watch.

This is the first friend, except for Funny Mummy's son, that the wee man has really interacted with and whatever he did she wanted to do and vice verse. There was a glint in both their eyes as they did things that both me and Sensory Mummy had to pull them away from. Whether this is a love affair that will last for ever is yet to be known but at the moment they really are BFFs.


Sunday, 19 May 2013

Jamie Enjoying Family Time?

Let it never be said that Jamie Robinson doesn't get involved in weekend family fun.Today instead of sighing when the suggestion of riding on a Thomas The Tank Engine train was posited, I smiled and said "yes why not". The wee man had seen it from a distance while being on my shoulders. He got so excited he squeezed his legs together almost choking me and screeched in his own little way. I've never seen a boy so excited by something.

So we get on board and it rode us around park of the park we went to. And was it fun? Actually yes though the wee man got all freaked out when the engine started. He warmed to the ride waving at other people and shouting at the ducks. He wasn't as excited riding on it as he was looking at it. Though as soon as he was off he wanted to be back on again but at £1.50p per person we had run out of change.

He is a curious creature and since my father showed him how to play Pooh Sticks, every time he sees a stream he wants to throw everything he can find into the water. Today was no different and he enjoyed spending fifteen minutes throwing leaves, stones, sticks and litter into the water. He would throw me into the water if he was big enough.

This may be a new start for me and weekend family fun but I feel I need to be eased into this new strange thing rather than do it every week. Riding on a miniature train though is a good enough start.


Saturday, 18 May 2013

Sugar Daddy

First off today a shout out to a Twitter follower of mine Rebecca Taylor who took up the challenge of naming a business for me and came up with Jamie's Joyful Jamboree. If that doesn't deserve a mention then I don't know what does. Thank you Rebecca.

Also today there is an extra Baby Centre blog for you to read. Go here and read about something called Man Showers. It's a pretty ridiculous thing but funny non-the less.

So on to today and things were grim as it's not stopped raining all day meaning finding things to do with the wee man which aren't horrific and full of other people was going to be hard. So toy shopping won the sprint and I let the proverbial moth fly from my wallet as I bought the wee man some new things including a lawn mower and a JCB truck. Both in my opinion are ace but as soon as we got home the little man just wanted to play with his old fire truck or clamber into the JCB box. Why? Who knows but that's children for you.

The wee man has also been in a pretty foul mood today but doesn't know how good he's got it as one of his little friends recently fractured his leg and now has to wear a cast. We all send our love and hope it doesn't bring him down too much. I would send the JCB truck to cheer him up but I like it too much and intend to play with it once his lordship has retired to bed.


Friday, 17 May 2013

Jamie's Jingly Bells

Strange sort of day today. This morning we went to our regular Friday morning group only to arrive and be told that the people running it have had to close to business. This is a real shame obviously for them and also for the parents too. The wee man loved the group and I had warmed to it to the point where I actually looked forward to going.

The other parents enjoyed it too and it must have been terrible to tell every parent who came in the bad news. It left me completely bamboozled for forty five minutes and I wasn't sure what to do with myself as I'm never free between half nine and half ten on a Friday. So I just ate a bacon sandwich to kill the time and then went home. A creature of habit I am. Fridays will now never be the same, sad times indeed and I hope they find their feet.

It now means I have a slot open in my week and seeing as this group was one of the best ways to get the wee man out to play with other children I will need to fill the slot quickly. So I imagine this weekend will be spent scouring the internet in search of other groups and I'm not easily impressed so the group better be something else.

Maybe I could set my own group up but knowing my luck no one else would come and I would be the only one there. At least I wouldn't have to talk to anyone I suppose. I could call it 'Jingles with Jamie' or 'Jamie's Jolly Jigging' or 'Jamie's Jingly Bells' though the last one you may not want your child going to. That final one was The Chancellor's suggestion so don't blame me for coming up with it.

Ideas of funny names can be sent to the usual address and if I get some good ones I will name and shame you in the blog so please make them witty. If you don't send me alternatives then it will be Jamie's Jingly Bells and it will be all your fault...


Thursday, 16 May 2013

Dark Side Of The Wee Man

Some days I just say "Sod this he's going to nursery". Generally at the end of these days I drink or collapse on the sofa, my limbs aching and my head pounding. "Sick of this" is a phrase that also comes out to The Chancellor or "He's by far the worst child in the group". This isn't necessarily the case as the other children have their moments too, especially when tiredness combines with hunger or annoyance. As of yet the wee man doesn't know that his behaviour is sometimes embarrassing especially in front of other people.

He is doing what a toddler should do I suppose but hard work sometime doesn't quite do justice to what has happened in the day. Today has been one of these days and I'm knackered. "Sod this nursery can deal with him" was one thing I said to The Chancellor tonight after she came home but I know after a nights sleep all will forgotten until he that is we have another crap day.

I often worry if it's me and my way of parenting that makes him slightly nuts. If it had been The Chancellor who had looked after him full time would he would be different? Am I just a crap parent? She is certainly more patient than me and maybe I let him get away with too much. Maybe though we just have a child who's totally nuts. The Chancellor has just said that he's just misunderstood. All the best ones are. I sometimes shudder thinking what he's going to be like when he's older.

Anyway enough self pity, I have a risotto to make. Don't ask about the picture it's just somewhere the wee man wanted to sit in today while everyone else was socialising. Naturally.



Wednesday, 15 May 2013

Hacksaw Jim

I now own a saw. If you know me then this may surprise you, it surprises me. Actually it's not quite a saw it's called a junior hacksaw. "Why do you now own such a thing Jamie?" Well dear readers it's a new toy for the wee man, you get it? Junior Hacksaw? Anyway before you ring social services it was actually for a mega DIY project I undertook today.

With my mum still up I had a babysitter while I put up a super duper shower curtain with an electric drill and everything. And I tell you what it looks ace, I mean look at it. I might have had a hand from my DIY obsessed uncle but I did all the ladder work and drilling and I was the one covered in dust. So I can claim that it was 90% me. But I feel much more masculine today as I can now say I have some tools. The Chancellor was impressed and I have now been commissioned to fit a new kitchen. There might be a future in this building lark. If you need anything putting up you know where I am.

In other news it rained ALL day. Proper crap. But who cares when you discover your calling in life. Even the wee man was tickled by my skills but he now thinks the shower curtain is something to pull on hard. I am comfortable that I did a good job but I don't want little hands pulling it down right after I've put it up.

Indeed pride comes before a fall but I don't care, it looks ace. Oh also there's a Baby Centre blog about something or other click here to find out more.


Tuesday, 14 May 2013

Cragging It

Today with my mum up to visit we along with her family National Trust card went off for free to a place called Mega Dangerous and Not At All Family Friendly Countryside Estate Cragside. Having been told for a nearly a decade, by people who live here that I have to go, I finally have.

If you don't know the place it's a large house built on the side of a high crag, with gardens and lakes and things like that. It is now the wee man's newest favourite place ever. This is because there are multiple things to do that are highly fun dangerous. Bridges, water and cliffs make for an exhausting time but the wee man doesn't give a crap. Off he goes climbing high sided slopes and throwing anything he can find into streams. In a couple of years he will love it even more, probably graduating to tree climbing or something just as dangerous.

I'm glad I'm a young father as even though I've put on three stone I'm still just about able to keep up with him. Though finding myself panting as I come back down the side of the hill is depressing. Young at heart I like to tell myself serious denial.

So for my exertions I will treat myself to a bottle of wine tonight and tomorrow stay to safe places where the threat of the wee man falling off a cliff that is probably 100ft high is minimal killjoy.


Monday, 13 May 2013

The Wee Man, The Fireman

Children are sometimes quite wonderful. I know I moan a bit but sometimes you can just watch them for hours and it gives you a great deal of satisfaction. I realise this sounds weird and for the record I don't just stare at random children, only the wee man and in a totally paternal way. Anyway the wee man has been on great form today.

At some moments you can catch him doing some wonderful things. He disappeared this morning and I found him in his room happily playing with his firetruck making "Brum" noises to himself. Independent and imaginative playing is perhaps the most endearing thing about children, especially at this age. He generally plays quietly for ten to fifteen minutes in his own little world pushing the truck back and forth imagining, I think, a fire someplace.  

Now being slightly older he gets a great deal of enjoyment from little things. On a visit to my Aunts this afternoon he stood in the garden continually wanting to put his hands in a watering can. Why this would give you enjoyment is anyone's guess but there he was hands submerged deep in water having a a whale of a time. As I write he is running around with a torch shining it in his eyes.The Chancellor is here by the way I'm not neglecting him. For half an hour he's been putting a battery powered train through chair legs and giggling very loudly. It's just a joy to watch.

Anyway enough gushing. Hard man image to return.


Sunday, 12 May 2013

What Should I Write About Today?

This morning as I logged onto this here blog it was nice to see the round figure of 27,000 pages views. I don't say this enough but thank you for reading and sticking with me during the thin days and the days where I chat inanely about rubbish.

I'm on to something like the 240th post which means I only have another 120 odd days to go before this blog ends. The day it does end will be strange and I'm sure I'll miss logging on here everyday and I'm not sure what I'll do with myself. Maybe I'll sit and stare into space with the extra free time I have or I could watch more crap TV. Some days I can write this in five minutes other days it will take me all day to squeeze out a post. The Chancellor will certainly be happy when the constant "What should I write about today? What should I write about today?" questions finish. I think on a couple of occasions she has been close to throttling me.

Every now and again I go through recent posts and find the best ones to add to the book form of this blog and generally there is a common thread to my blogs. Here are some common themes.

  • Moaning
  • Tiredness
  • Illness
  • Boredom
  • Fun
  • Food
  • Boredom
  • Tantrums
  • Louder tantrums
  • Even louder tantrums
  • Laughing
  • Tickling

All interesting things and on a good/bad day can happen all at once. I'll try to come up with some more themes so you don't get bored. In the meantime I'm going to eat some chicken noodle soup.



Saturday, 11 May 2013

Mini Me

In recent times, as he has gotten older, the wee man has been exhibiting traits that make it more and more obvious who he takes after. There is a joke in my family that all the males are exactly the same. There are 7 family member (including me and now the wee man) who look and act almost exactly the same. Sometimes it's quite scary how similar we are. The wee man is now indeed one of the males in the family and he is the next generation of the madness. 
I won't go too deep into the neuroses as I may offend someone but let's just say the traits have pissed off infuriated every wife/girlfriend/partner bar none. The Chancellor knows these traits and still somehow manages to put up with them.

She also says that the wee man is just a little me and being with him day in day out doesn't make it any less so. We are at the start of a copying stage meaning that every little thing I do is being stored in his little head ready to show his mum when she gets home. Most are negative things, which is a shame.
  1. The way I drive. Generally aggressively and includes lots of swearing.
  2. The way I swear when we get home from said drive.
  3. The way I break wind liberally.
  4. The way I pick my nose and flick what I find somewhere where it can't be found.
  5. The way I bite my finger nails and don't dispose properly of what is removed...
I could go on but you might think of me as a grubby man. But I'm sure you all have qualities like these of your own. I do have good moments too you know only I'm sure the wee man won't be watching when they happen. 



Friday, 10 May 2013


The idea of throwing your child under water and seeing what happens is one that isn't really encouraged. Unless of course you're in a swimming class. The wee man has always been comfortable with being submerged. At first, last year, I was a bit apprehensive about chucking him under water but I did it and he survived and now it's a run of the mill thing every week during our lesson.

The Chancellor however as she's only been to the class a couple of times has never tried dunking, until today. After watching me fling the wee man through a hoop under the water, he was passed to his mum with the orders 'your turn'. Impressively she took him and flung him with more confidence than me. Naturally he wasn't bothered and carried on like nothing happened. A good moment for all.

While at swimming we were blown away by one of his little friend's grasp of English. The wee man seems to be floundering with language still only making noises and saying the odd thing rather than really sounding like real person. Though The Chancellor claimed he said cheese as a new word tonight. His little friend on the other hand can say the wee man's name and say goodbye. You ask her to point to a body part and she will point to it and she actually attempts to repeat a word you have said. I doff my hat to this child and now intend to send the wee man to a boot camp to get him to speak sooner.

The only thing to make me feel better is that the wee man walked and climbed early but now I want him to speak more. I can though imagine that he will the type of child who will say, 'why? Why? Why?' Etc etc etc. So why am I desperate to want him to speak? Who knows but it sounds great when they do.


Thursday, 9 May 2013

It's The Chancellor's Birthday

Last year's economy cake.
Yes as you can probably tell by the title The Chancellor turns 45 31 today. So happy birthday to her and I can categorically tell you that she is not getting a party. Last year I threw a surprise party that almost killed me to organise but a fabulous time was had by all. And I couldn't have done it without some very kind friends who helped with everything. We sorted a gazebo and a couple of bbqs and she had no idea that most of her family were there as were many of our good friends. It was a fantastic day.

This year has been a slightly quieter affair but we have had a nice lunch with Funny Mummy and Power Lifter Mummy (again she doesn't power lift, her husband does) and I will be cooking a Michelin star Morrison's Saver dinner this evening. So not all is a bust. Though the cake this year (as I have no income) is smaller than last year's or maybe it's just what's left of last year's, I can't be sure. She won't know the difference with some cream on top.

I'm not sure where a year has gone as the party seems like recent history for me but I almost have to pinch myself to remind me that it was a year ago. A YEAR, bloody hell. The wee man has gone from a short haired baby to a long haired toddler. I've gone from a slim tanned man to a plump pasty man and the The Chancellor has stayed lovely and is still as pretty as ever (insert vomit face or get a room face right here).

So happy birthday and it's a another step closer to 40 love.


Wednesday, 8 May 2013

Slugs And Snails And Dodgy Men In The Bushes

I have spoken before about how sometimes it can be difficult for men to be involved in and around children. For some reason men are thought of as more untrustworthy than women. Anyway a story from today sums this thought process up. I took the wee man out for a walk in the park to kill some time. The wee man being the wee man ran off into some bushes requiring me to go in after him. Said bushes are in a corner of the park that is a little out of the way. So I ran in and pulled him out but at the same time two older women walked past and gave me a look that said "that man's coming out of the bushes with a toddler who's having a cry. What's he been doing to the child?!" The wee man was annoyed that I had spoiled his fun and was pulling him out.

I could feel their eyes burning through me and I thought if it was The Chancellor coming out of the bushes with the wee man they wouldn't look twice. The wee man then being a monkey ran back into the bushes and as the women both looked back it might have looked like I was going back into the bushes with the wee man. Afterwards I thought, if I saw a man coming out of a bush with a child part of me would think that looks a bit dodgy too. But why? Have we been conditioned by the media to fear men who are around children? Are we all just hardwired to be suspicious of anything and everything? Why do some people's minds immediately go to the bad place? Who knows but either why it pisses me off as people think I'm doing dodgy things in bushes. I'm not that type of guy!

Anyway away from shrubberies the wee man has found a new fun past time, standing on snails. With the Cypriot weather long gone and the rain returning our garden is full of snails and the wee man at first began picking them up thinking they could be eaten, which they can be but not in the way he wants to eat them. Now though it's much more satisfying for him to stand on them causing a nice 'crunching' noise. He scoured the garden and demolished a hand full of these poor little things grinning at the same time. Sticky shoes ensued and we now have slug remains all through the garden. Nice.


Tuesday, 7 May 2013

Beach Boys

I thought of writing something today but I would imagine it would just make you jealous, especially if you were stuck inside today. What do you do when it's the nicest day of the year? You go to the beach. For the first time since I can remember the North East coastline was transformed into something like the Maldives...well maybe not the Maldives probably more like Cyprus but still it was bloody gorgeous today. The wee man and his little friend thoroughly enjoyed themselves in the sand. So instead of describing it in prose I will let the pictures tell you all you need to know. If you're not jealous you should be.   jpr

Monday, 6 May 2013

Where The Wild Things Are

Seeing as the weather was so spankingly good today it was only right and proper to go somewhere. Not even I can moan about going out on a day like today. The Chancellor suggested that we go to a bit of woodland she knew because no one would be there today.

Her logic was slightly flawed because as we arrived we realised that everyone in a ten mile radius had decided to come to this bit of woodland. Loud people, scary looking dogs but we still managed to find a few moments of peace and quiet. In these moments all the wee man wanted to do was to sit in the meadow bit and pick the heads off dandelions.

This his is new favourite past time and we find them hidden all over the house. The chiminea in our garden is full of bloody flowers heads.There are an array of things in the chiminea apart from flower heads including stones, bits of plastic and twigs. He enjoys to lift the lid off and drop them in. Why? I have no idea.
Our garden is now the wee man's new stomping ground and he can be entertained for hours by the the rocks and soil, generally by eating them or shoving them into holes in the wall.

Toddler logic is strange, the wee man's logic even more so.


Sunday, 5 May 2013

Stig Of The Dump

As a bit of a follow on from yesterday, we have had a morning of negative attention. Well I haven't as I've been off doing the fortnightly shop but The Chancellor has. Tiredness and boredom are like two weather fronts charging into one another creating a massive storm. The Chancellor letting the wee man play with his things while she washed up wasn't according to him showing our dear son enough attention. So to get more attention the wee man started touching the bin. Now the kitchen bin is something we don't want him to touch and getting him to stop touching it is one of the battles we have chosen. Because it's usually The Chancellor who warns him off it he now knows that if he touches it he will instantly get attention from his mum. So what does he do? He doesn't quite touch touch it but hovers his hand over it wriggling his fingers grinning as he does so. Naughty little bugger.

When you are doing something like the washing up there generally isn't time to distract him instead of saying no so you tell him get away, making him grin even more. This morning after he was told no he backed himself into the door and stood there shaking his head at his mum.

I have always been amazed that all children are hardwired in the the same way and it doesn't matter if they're a nice a child or not they will do things like this. It's only a matter of time. How to stop it? Well that's another story altogether and if any of you have the answer then please contact me. Until then we'll juts have to have a son who wants to be a bin man.


Saturday, 4 May 2013

Good Cop, Bad Cop

If you were to look at the picture to the left you would think the wee man is the cutest and nicest child ever. Generally this is true bringing us nothing but laughs and a need to drink heavily. The wee man though has started to respond differently to each of our forms of discipline. This is probably an inevitability of him spending all his time with me. He has started pushing it more with his mum, not moving when he is asked to and touching things he knows he's not meant to touch when he's told not to. Every now and again when she is telling him off he will look up at me with a face that says "Dad, should I be taking this seriously? Really?"  

The Chancellor freely admits that she's a soft touch and she spoils him rotten giving him lots of kisses while she's telling me off. The down side of this is that I'm the disciplinarian who no one ever likes. The Chancellor in the future will have the sweets in her pocket while I'm trying my best to keep him away from them.

The idea of either of us being the fun one and miserable one was something we were both worried about before the little critter arrived. I'll just have to make do with being the miserable one. Never-the-less I can see why The Chancellor just wants to have fun with the wee man, I would feel the same if I was working all the time and I wouldn't want to spend the time I did have with him shouting and disciplining. You can just leave that to me. Why wouldn't you want to just spend your evening playing with your son who likes being put into boxes?


Friday, 3 May 2013

Bank Holiday Weekend (Finally)

Back before I began as a stay-at-home-parent I worked for a company who were pretty miserable. I can't name the company as they would probably do me slander but I'm quite happy to say they were a miserable lot and I spent every bank holiday and any day that was meant to be for the people working very long hours. They also expected you to be happy about working while everyone else in the country was off drinking beer and having a good time. I hated the place and their style of management infuriated myself and The Chancellor  (who was always off) and it was one of the main reasons why I left. This year was the first time in five years that I had Easter off, what does that say?

Anyway now that I'm footloose and fancy free bank holidays have become better days and ones where I'm not cursing all the people I'm working for. Instead there is an extra day of family fun to contend with. Which is worse I here you ask? I'm just joking of course. Of course. Having The Chancellor around for some extra days is an extra special treat even if she does make me do rubbish jobs and go to ludicrously busy family friendly places. I don't know what she has in store for us this weekend but I intend to run off before she tells me.

On top of a bank holiday it's The Chancellor's birthday next week, she's canny old if you're wondering and by canny old I mean only two years older than me but still to me that's canny old. She'll get to 40 before me and I intend to spend two years telling her that she's 40. She has decided to take two days off next week meaning she will be expecting me to organise something fun. Lat year I threw her a surprise party but seeing as I have no money or energy this won't be happening again. But the wee man has more money than the pair of us put together so maybe he could throw her a party. No, I will be a man I will step up and sort out something fun to do even if it involves me telling her she's old. Do you think this will go down well?


Thursday, 2 May 2013

A Return To Soft Play

First off today I need to plug my Baby Centre blog as yesterday I forgot. Here is the link It's about wanting to get away from your kids however Baby Centre added a slideshow to it of things that I don't do for instance cake baking and knitting. Not the first things I had in mind when I was writing about hobbies but I suppose each to their own.

Moving on from middle aged pursuits today I finally broke my soft play embargo. It had to be done at some point and seeing as the wee man hasn't had much in the way of childish interaction this week it seemed like the right time. I tried to go early to beat the hoards of sticky fingered children but a quiet soft play was not to be even at half nine in the morning. Children I have found don't need much time to warm up in the morning.  Usually the wee man is bouncing and ready to go as soon as we go into his room first thing. Even in the soft play at such an early time the kids are full of energy ready to bother me. We lasted a solid hour before I got bored and I even managed to smile to a few children though when I did this to one girl she glared at me and ran off. One child was just screaming at the top of his voice around the whole place and his mother wasn't even bothered, I was close to throwing an air ball at him to shut him up. If only that wouldn't be frowned upon.

Away from other people's children the wee man has found new ingenious ways to get into trouble. Yesterday I bought him a step to get up to the sink because he is very good at brushing his own teeth now. However the step didn't stay under the sink long as the wee man began moving it around the house to get extra leverage to get onto stuff like the toilet, which he did very easily. The step has now been hidden away until the wee man can be trusted to use it for the intention for which it was bought, not just to get himself places he wants to get to. He'll be up ladders next.


Wednesday, 1 May 2013

Groundhog Day (Again)

For today look at yesterday's post and make the following adjustments:

  1. One less load of washing.
  2. Less sun.
  3. A trip to Ikea.
  4. We're wearing different outfits from yesterday. Oh wait no, actually only the wee man is.

That's it. Today has been an almost carbon copy of yesterday which makes me wonder what tomorrow will be like seeing as we've got nothing booked in. A triptych of similar days could lead one to insanity. I've done all the clothes washing now so I suppose that will change but that leaves me with a window of a couple of hours. Maybe I could polish something or iron a shirt...

Expect maybe the same tomorrow and let's hope I can tell you something of note and let's also hope I'm wearing something different...